Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
