the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize