our cab driver is having phone sex.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
