I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
