I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
