Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
