How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
