yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
