my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
