Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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