Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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