The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
