I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
