I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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