Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
