I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
