and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
