i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
