I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
