why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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