This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
