You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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