Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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