i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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