OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
