If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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