Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
