now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just pee around me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
