I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
