Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
