Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
