Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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