You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
