If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
