And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
FUCK WHALES
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
