Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
