TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
