So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
