I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
there is glitter all over my balls
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
