Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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