Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it's like heaven, but drunker
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
