If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
