how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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