I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
