what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
