I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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