Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
