it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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