I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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