the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
