why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
