Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize