I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
