The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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