Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
