"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
