is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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