I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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