i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
