I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
