My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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