i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
