it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
