omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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