how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Houston, we have a squirter
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
