How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
