I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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