at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
