standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
