you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
