Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
