His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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