No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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